Monday, July 12th, 2010

Problem concerning my husband.not sure what to do?

How to get out of debt
:) asked:


Here’s a little background info…

Me and my husband have been together for 6 years now. We have been married for 1year and just found out we are expecting our first child. We have a beautiful life together at this point. He is wonderful. Very attentive and caring and always by my side. He is always doing things to show me how much he loves me and is working hard to get us out of debt and provide a house for me and the baby. Things are great but…

I have one thing I can’t seem to get over. I knew that he was cheating on me for several months in the end of the first year that we were dating. I knew about it and I never confronted him. I was very young when we got together and I wanted to be with him. I was pretty much alone and was afraid of what would have happened had I confronted him. Had this happened to me more recently I would have left him in a heartbeat. Now he is a completely changed person from who he was back then and I want to feel like it is water under the bridge but I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to be confident in our relationship or just get past the hurt til I tell him what I know. I don’t know why I was able to get over it then, but as time goes on I get angrier about it.

Do I confront him after so long?????
thanks to those of you who are answering sincerely. I have not mentioned this incident to anyone at all, but this has helped me gain some clarity.

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19 Responses to “Problem concerning my husband.not sure what to do?”

pieceofcake2bakeaprettycake Says:
July 12th, 2010 at 6:14 pm

ur annoying just get over it ok seriously……hes gunna think ur annoying

Shopping8888 Says:
July 16th, 2010 at 2:46 am

I wouldn’t confront him after so long.

answer mine

Natashia Says:
July 18th, 2010 at 11:31 pm

Yes ma’am! You need to talk to him about it to clear things up so that you can feel some resolve. It’s a tough subject, but otherwise you will have that thought in the back of your mind forever and it could only harm your relationship. Do what your gut says to and good luck!

♥Tweety♥ Says:
July 21st, 2010 at 7:53 pm

What will you gain by telling him?Now that you are married you can see that you can trust him and you said he is a great husband I would just leave the past in the past and move on ..

urbangirl Says:
July 23rd, 2010 at 10:28 am

I would not confront him. If your relationship is going well, leave the topic alone. Like the old saying: “If it is not broke, then don’t fix it”.

Consultant Says:
July 25th, 2010 at 2:24 pm

You sound as though you have a loving relationship, most people will tell you to get over but there is some unfinished business that you need to resolve to help make your marriage whole. You have been together long enough to ask about this “dirty little secret” In a very loving and polite way, ask if you can sit and talk about something that is bothering you. It is important that you not keep things like this from him. Communication will always be important.

dianaleehood Says:
July 26th, 2010 at 6:39 pm

Very tricky. It was a long time ago, but your ego is still hurt. You weren’t engaged, married or anything, I’d chalk it up to youth, he really didn’t owe you anything did he? This can open up all sorts of things that at this time you shouldn’t be dealing with. You’ve got a pregnancy to worry about, be a hero and forget it, his actions speak louder than any dates he had with another girl, where you can’t even be sure there was intimacy involved. Leave it alone concentrate on the man you have now, not the boy he was when you started dating.

NoWomanNoCry Says:
July 27th, 2010 at 4:24 pm

i had same issue…i thought id keep quiet..i thought he changed…he didnt..he was same person only alot better hiding it..im NOT saying your wrong in thinking he changed…maybe he has…maybe he hasnt..but you should at least tell him about this cause its bother you and it will keep bothering you which could lead to more issues. just be open with him..best of luck

Anabelle Says:
July 30th, 2010 at 9:23 am

i don’t need this, my man has two jobs.

austin_mssu Says:
August 1st, 2010 at 12:06 pm

I think you should. Its not like you did anything wrong and from the sound of it your having trouble getting past the past. Its not going to be a comfortable conversation but its something you both need to come to grips with so you can both full trust each other and build a strong foundation in your life not only for each other but for your child as well. You may need to go to counseling if you still find yourself getting more and more angry with time, but it will be worth it to find peace. I truly wish you luck with the road you have in front of you .

Ava Says:
August 2nd, 2010 at 12:43 am

oh yeah. I would totally confront him. I cant BELIEVE you held it in for so long! I would NOT have been able to do that!!

I dont blame you for having doubts about the stability of your relationship. cheating the most damaging thing a guy can do. You have to be honest with yourself. you cant just forget about it, so you HAVE to talk about it. you have to work through this for your own sake. talk to him about it. not in an accusatory tone, but just try to level with him, like tell him you dont want to upset him by bringing this up, and if it was up to you, you would have just gotten over it, but that you have to be honest with yourself and you need to work this out with him so that you can move on and love him as much as you were meant to.
if he gets mad or has a less than helpful response, time to check in to marriage counseling and work it out there. you dont deserve to be made miserable for the rest of your life over this. and he made the mistake, even if its been a while, it doesnt change that it happened and that it still hurts you. he needs to take responsibility for that and help you get over it, by apologizing, and reassurance. things like that.

DY Says:
August 3rd, 2010 at 5:47 pm

it some ways I know it seems or you feel like your bring up the past and it will just cause issues.

But I’m guessing you don’t trust him 100 percent because of his actions in the past and I do think you should bring it up but not in a confrontational way but more as I know about this and I need you to help me get over this and assure me that this isn’t happening again.

Explain to him that you didn’t bring it up because you were in a weaker place then and know you are strong enough to deal with it and move it and leave the past the past but you want to be sure his actions are in the past and reassure you that you do not need to worry about such things now.

dot Says:
August 4th, 2010 at 5:46 am

I think this has now come up because you are pregnant ??
You feel vunerable as you are going to be big and feel unattractive ?
You should have dealt with this at the time but you chose not to
And as you say he has changed so let it go
You married him knowing this and from what you say he truly loves you
Digging up the past wont help now
Just be happy and enjoy your baby together
I dont think he needs a guilt trip right now not after 6 yrs ???

bonnieboobabe Says:
August 6th, 2010 at 10:31 pm

I agree with DY.

Clinton Says:
August 7th, 2010 at 3:37 pm

You have to confront him in order to find peace. Once a cheater always a cheater, always!

time to feed the dog Says:
August 7th, 2010 at 7:50 pm

even if there were no event in the past……
regarding the future there are no guarantees…….

in as much as life is good now and has been……..
just put this painful memory in a compartment in you head, and lock it up
if you bring it up now, it will cause problems and heartache…….
this will cause a major setback in your current healthy relationship

the_boy_toy Says:
August 10th, 2010 at 8:04 pm

Well I agree with Dot, I didn’t want to show my true colors of being a pig but I would question what has really changed for you to speak now rather than when it happened. Some women do get very emotional during pregnancy because of all the hormonal changes. Are you positive you are not in this situation?
If you’re not and you still want to confront him ask yourself this, if you do confront him, what will you gain from this?
Will he be sincere, admit his past transgressions and try to make it up to you?
Will he stand there, look you in the eyes and deny the whole thing and then you argue about it?
Will he admit that he wasn’t sure about you so he cheated with another woman?
Will he admit that he was dating this other woman before he met you but he finally broke it off.

If you think something positive will come out of this and make your relationship that much stronger, then proceed.
Or will he deny to whole thing and make you feel like your delusional?

Willa Says:
August 13th, 2010 at 12:57 am

I wouldn’t speak to it directly, but it would be a good idea to have a general conversation with him about lifelong fidelity, about keeping the marriage whole now that you are making a family, about both of you pledging that if you ever have the slightest inclination to stray that you will talk to the other about it, get counseling, and try to hold the marriage together. Tell him how important it is to you to have an intact marriage and family and ask him if he feels the same way, if he is committed to truthfulness and faithfulness in the marriage. That’s a valuable conversation to have and I think his response will tell you what you are in need of knowing.

Greg Andi Says:
August 13th, 2010 at 1:47 pm

The first thing about a good marriage is communication. It seems to me that neither one of you don’t Communicate on an intimate scale (Fantasies, Secrets and such). This is why most people cheat, because they begin to desire that fantasy that is so taboo. You are each others best friends, it’s necessary to talk about things like that.

The second failure here is that after he did it or you found out about it, both of you still didn’t communicate. Now, you want to but have this fear of opening an old wound. My question is: Since he has done it before and nothing was said, how do you know that he’s not or won’t do it again?

The third failure here is that even though neither of you communicated, he took physical action against you and violated your trust. Personally, I cannot have a life long partnership with a person that I cannot trust.

The fourth failure is that you seem more comfortable asking complete strangers on yahoo before your own husband. That’s a problem in of itself.

Lastly, I need to make this clear, IT”S NOT YOUR FAULT. Please read those 4 words in caps again. Just because there is an obvious lack of communication, there will never be a good reason to violate a spouses’ trust. You need to talk about it with him and he needs to understand how you feel. It’ll be great if you two can communicate and heal this as a happy couple, but if he’s dismissive of your feelings, than you need to come to terms with the fact that he may not be in your best int rest to continue with the marriage.

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